Query Letter Hooks

by Betsy Ashton

Betsy Ashton, born in Washington, DC, was raised in Southern California where she ran wild with coyotes in the hills above Malibu. She protested the war in Vietnam, burned her bra for feminism, and is a steadfast Independent. She is a writer, a thinker, the mother of three grown stepchildren, companion and friend. She mentors writers and writes and publishes fiction. Her first mystery, Mad Max Unintended Consequences, was published in February 2013. The second in the series, Uncharted Territory, A Mad Max Mystery, came out in April 2015. In her spare time, she is the president of the state-wide Virginia Writers Club. She loves riding behind her husband on his motorcycle. You’ll have to decide for yourself if and where she has a tattoo.

August 28, 2009

Two weeks ago I sent out a couple of e-mail queries. I know we need a hook at the beginning of the letter to rise in the slush pile. Mine was a wee tad different.

I read about this agent in an interview on Chuck Sambuchino’s blog. In the interview, the agent said she preferred to receive e-mail queries with the first chapter attached. I checked out the web site where I learned that the agency preferred snail mail, query and SASE only. There was an “if you must send e-mail. . . ” statement. So my query letter began with:

“I read your interview in Chuck Sambuchino’s blog today and am submitting a query to ask you to consider representing UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES, a complete work of women’s fiction. While the agency web site states a preference for snail-mail queries, I am following what you said in the interview and am submitting an e-mail query, plus the first chapter.”

And the response from the agent:

“Thank you for being savvy enough to know to send an e-query–and for
bringing this to my attention. You make a good point: I’ll be sure to
fix that on our site.

Thank you for sending your query and sample chapter–I’ll take a look.”

At least it was a response. And I wait. . . .

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2 Comments

  1. Elana Johnson

    Nice! Way to do your research! Hope it turns into something more for you. 🙂

  2. Sally Roseveare

    Betsy, this is good! The agent will remember your name, maybe read the first chapter at home (as opposed to the subway)without the TV or radio on or a child screaming for attention.